Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i barfeds in our rink
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
