The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
