u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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