I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
