And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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