Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
