I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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