sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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