Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize