Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
