She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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