i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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