its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
