its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
