Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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