If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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