So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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