Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
