i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
