Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
