It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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