The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
