Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
