what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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