why didn't you poke me back
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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