when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
