haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
