I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
