we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
