At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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