it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
