You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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