so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
someone owes me an orgasm
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
