there's paper in my vomit.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
