Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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