I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Boobs are out for the taking
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
