You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
