Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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