I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
