I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
