I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
