i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
