That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
