He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
