She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
