Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
