On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I checked into jail on foursquare
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
