it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
