it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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