im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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