her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
