I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
