Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
God, I missed his penis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
