my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
