you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
