I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
