I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
