I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
