i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
