obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
