Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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