did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
