How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
