hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
