Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize