dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
