i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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