People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
