doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
