My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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