Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
