38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
