i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
