I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
