"it" just moved
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize