Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
