you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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