I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
