he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
