i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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