Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
