How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
