when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im drinking this country out of the recession.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
