I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
