She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't turn off my feet"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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