So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
