Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
