After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
