You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Boobs are out for the taking
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
