I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
