I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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