where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
