genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
