You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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