I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
