Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
