You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize