i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
