apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sacagawea was the original milf.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
