Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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