dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
